I find this part of the journey so difficult to articulate.
Perhaps this is why I've been so silent here.
Mostly, I just feel it's a very personal time, something that while I'm in the midst of it, I'm just not quite ready to share all the feelings and emotions I'm going through.
Almost like my emotions seem to be changing so constantly, that if I write anything down, it will suddenly become a REAL emotion, one that's not associated with any stress hormones or general anxiety.
And I'm not sure that's really the right way to go. Because I don't think venting in this sort of way will actually solve any of it or even make it go away momentarily. I think it will just paint the wrong picture.
One that you can't easily erase. One that is a distroted view of the actual situation. And perhaps my journalistic side wants me to 'stick to the facts m'aam'. And those facts DON'T actually include my roller coaster emotions.
Because then maybe someone will make a judgement about a certain place or person based on what I've written. Based on my emotionally charged statements.
Which is why I think it's best to simply experience what I'm experiencing without actually verbalising it until I've had the reflection time.
And there's also the fact that with all the loose ends to tie up, the creative part of my brain is mostly just filled with lists.
To do lists.
To buy lists.
To get vaccinated for lists.
To ship lists.
To stop worrying about lists.
But today was my last Monday at work for awhile. After this week, I will be a professional traveller. Or nomad. Or moocher. Or beach bum. Depending on which way you look at it.
So I'll put this day to bed and feel better about at least communicating about my non communication.
And I'll get back to y'all on that real soon.
Perhaps this is why I've been so silent here.
Mostly, I just feel it's a very personal time, something that while I'm in the midst of it, I'm just not quite ready to share all the feelings and emotions I'm going through.
Almost like my emotions seem to be changing so constantly, that if I write anything down, it will suddenly become a REAL emotion, one that's not associated with any stress hormones or general anxiety.
And I'm not sure that's really the right way to go. Because I don't think venting in this sort of way will actually solve any of it or even make it go away momentarily. I think it will just paint the wrong picture.
One that you can't easily erase. One that is a distroted view of the actual situation. And perhaps my journalistic side wants me to 'stick to the facts m'aam'. And those facts DON'T actually include my roller coaster emotions.
Because then maybe someone will make a judgement about a certain place or person based on what I've written. Based on my emotionally charged statements.
Which is why I think it's best to simply experience what I'm experiencing without actually verbalising it until I've had the reflection time.
And there's also the fact that with all the loose ends to tie up, the creative part of my brain is mostly just filled with lists.
To do lists.
To buy lists.
To get vaccinated for lists.
To ship lists.
To stop worrying about lists.
But today was my last Monday at work for awhile. After this week, I will be a professional traveller. Or nomad. Or moocher. Or beach bum. Depending on which way you look at it.
So I'll put this day to bed and feel better about at least communicating about my non communication.
And I'll get back to y'all on that real soon.
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