Coulda Woulda Shoulda

Just having a fabulous moment of happiness. My life is great. I have so many great things. And even when I think I'm straying off the path, I suddenly realise this is not the case at all. The path was just leading me to where I needed to be, without me needing to do anything at all. Energy will get you there. You just have to relinquish control. Ok. Lesson learned. Thanks universe.

Something of interest :) . I've not been inspired as of late and decided there really was no point in rambling on about what I had for breakfast or how I'm in desperate need of a tire guard for my bike so that I can stop having to wash my muddy jacket after every time I go for a bike ride. Wow. See? I guess I just DID tell you about that. And perhaps that's another reason to step slowly. away. from. the. machine. But I'll leave you with this first.Cause it's catchy. And awesome. And inspiring. Just what I need:

Happiness is about managing expectations. Expectations you have for yourself. Expectations you have for others. Expectations others have for you. (credit goes to a friend at work) The beauty of travel is that at the mere mention of a city you've visited, your mind instantly creates a picture of that time there. (credit goes to a longtime friend) These two ideas and thoughts seem to have been the most poignant for me over the past little while and I wanted to share them with you. Share with you the types of things that are rolling around in my head. The summer is coming to a close and with it, I anticipate some breathing space in the world that is busyness. Some reflection time in the cool fall air. Some more energy put towards experiencing and less towards maintaining. More time for the rose smelling, and the bird-chirping-listening. Simplification. Although it may be hard for people to understand but there is still a period of understanding, decompressing, computing, reflecting ov...

A controversial - yet thought-provoking - article on having children. I Kid You Not And yes, I realise I made a pledge to write about stuff that I have not yet even read to write about. It's coming... But for now, let's hope this link will give you enough to think about until I find the time to think about the stuff I've written to re-write about it. One thing that stuck in my mind after reading this article was something my mom said to me once. A vegetarian friend of hers said that the largest hurdle about being vegetarian was not hunting for lentils and beans or avoiding those juicy BBQ steaks but having to defend her life choice by simply stating it. I'm a vegetarian seemed to translate into I want to argue with you about my life choice. Ponder.

I have been thinking about this space and I do I have an idea which I think will keep me keep it updated. It has now been over a year since we finished our time in Korea and started on a 6 month adventure that would take us across multiple time zones and continents. Each day on that journey I kept a journal, which outlined the bare minimum of activities as well as meals and lodging. For my own personal reflection - which, lucky you, will be able to take part in - I am going to read each day what I wrote about in that journal and really, just write here about it. Perhaps how I feel now about the entry. Perhaps a funny story that happened. Perhaps about how I have no idea what I actually did that day and that it was a good thing I wrote it down because I still can't picture it. Starting tomorrow, I'll begin a new journey. One that doesn't include a lot of upset stomachs or late night anxiety or even white sandy beaches for that matter. It will be a much more reflective one, a...

I would like someone to tell me exactly where the summer has gone? It's mid July and for some reason, I'm already panicking about snow. I've had a great summer so far. Filled with so many people and activities, that I'm finding it hard to even get to this blog. CBC has become a new best friend. It travels with me to and from work. I found myself smiling the other day as, in total suburbia fashion, I opened the door to my townhouse to get my paper and lo and behold, my Friendly North Neighbour, had popped out to get her paper at the exact same time. "Good Morning" "Oh Good morning" "Gorgeous day" "Absolutely" "A day for a bbq" "For sure, see you on our rooftops later" And in I went, to finish my breakfast, reading the paper, drinking my tea. So different from the days of rising 20 minutes before I had to leave, just enough time to shower and then grab food on the way. Life is turning into quite the settled urban...

Ever the planner with lists, I found this idea on Rocketwife's blog. 101 in 1001 When I was about 25, I made a list of things I wanted to do before I was 30. You know, those stupid things your arrogant 20ish self does to your aging 30ish self, not realising that the landscape will have changed in those short 5 years and that includes priorities, goals and well things that will make you happy. I haven't seen that list since we've got home. I remember a few things that are there I've done, a few things that are there I haven't and the others? Well, I cringe to think at how my smug 20ish self actually thought THAT MUCH could be achieved in 5 years. When I dig it out, I'll share it here. Until then, I'll have to get cracking on my new list. Perhaps I can put a bit more effort into it than my 365 Project? The road to hell...

June turned out to be wonderfully wonderful, filled with family, friends, outings, hen dos, cottages, boats, festivals, wine, patio parties, city walks, city restaurants, city markets, city shops, relaxing in the sun. Now, what am I going to do in July?

Everyone should try to become comfortable in their own company. D's away for a long weekend and I'm attempting to really enjoy just hanging out with myself. I suppose it sounds terrible to say but in a way, it just feels so sad. It's not that I'm sad, it's just that being alone feels sad. To me. You could hear a pin drop in my house right now. And really, if I just sat around in my pajamas all day, who would really know? Or care? Perhaps I sound selfish or needy or pathetic and I suppose that would make me a bad writer because that's actually not what I'm trying to convey. I'm simply sitting here, in this moment alone, and thinking 'what am I feeling about this whole being alone thing?' As the oldest in a family of four, there was never a time when my house was quiet. When there was no one around. When I got to make all the choices, without anyone around and without having to think of anyone else. I think I'm just not cut out for this by-myse...

There are so many thoughts and stories I WANT to share...and yet, I'm not quite in the headspace to articulate them properly yet. Inspriation always seems to come when I got hands full of groceries or house keys or lets face it, a nice cold G&T. And yet, there's never a laptop nearby when the feeling strikes. I do carry around notebooks. But sometimes I feel like THAT STUFF just ends up sounding like a dramatic drunken ramble, regardless of whether I've been sipping any of the devil's poison. I have talked about feeling inspired by typing. And I suppose this is very 'uncreative' in a way but hey, we've all seen Carrie on Sex and the City. That girl's not hunting down her Moleskin. I think maybe that's the voice I hear in my head. Not Carrie's voice, but a version of that voice that is less "oh-who-should-i-love-today" and more "which-patio-has-the-best-sun-for-reflection-and-of-course-alcohol". But it's that same vein....

I find this part of the journey so difficult to articulate. Perhaps this is why I've been so silent here. Mostly, I just feel it's a very personal time, something that while I'm in the midst of it, I'm just not quite ready to share all the feelings and emotions I'm going through. Almost like my emotions seem to be changing so constantly, that if I write anything down, it will suddenly become a REAL emotion, one that's not associated with any stress hormones or general anxiety. And I'm not sure that's really the right way to go. Because I don't think venting in this sort of way will actually solve any of it or even make it go away momentarily. I think it will just paint the wrong picture. One that you can't easily erase. One that is a distroted view of the actual situation. And perhaps my journalistic side wants me to 'stick to the facts m'aam'. And those facts DON'T actually include my roller coaster emotions. Because then maybe s...

But at least the sun is shining. And there isn't any snow. But there certainly is snot somewhere in Korea because all my kids keep skipping school, only to return days later to say, "Teacher, skiing' or "Teacher, snowboarding". A bit surreal when there's no sign of the white stuff where I am. I am getting a little more giddy about Christmas, if only because our advent calendar has gotten to the point where there are TWO chocolates each day which means I get one too and not just the chocolate monster I live with. Also because I'm around kids all day and they're getting excited - so much so that they never sit down for more than 5 minutes and are continually saying 'game teacher game' or 'free time'. Yes, free time. Trust me, I'd like some more free time too. But that will not help you learn english. And the nerd teacher in me is far too dilgent, even for a Friday afternoon. So, I'm finished for the week and am ready to leave my...