Coulda Woulda Shoulda

What a terrifying feeling. I have never felt so anxious! At least, I can't remember. It must have felt a little like this for university. Then again, I don't know. I think I would remember this. Last night I had a panic attack. I think it just hit me that Shep is leaving next week. Wow. I'm trying to put things into perspective but the mind and emotions are powerful things. At least I'm learning something. Isn't this what I've always wanted? To keep learning. I actually had the thought on the weekend that I didn't want to go anymore. I recognized a pattern in my life behaviour. My bark is bigger than my bite. I suddenly felt like, "no no no no no...I don't want to go...forget it.." To stay? To stay for what? All just part of experience. It will be interesting to see when I can write on a more regular basis what I have to say. Have to finish the itinerary this week. Ugg...

things are so whirlly!! I am going to write subjects down that I know I need to expand on and will turn into stories later... Irish Passport Working Holiday Visa Preparing the House Selling the House Sold More skeptics...sweet revenge... End date approaching These are definately posts of their own and perhaps more reminders to myself that I need to write about them. I will be able to do more and more and the weeks continue. Right now, it just doesn't work.

My parents are the best!!! They have given me a round trip ticket to Amsterdam with points!!! I feel so grateful. It's been so long since I relied on my parents for money that this just seems like a really big gift. Plus, takes a load off my mind as well and is just another item I can check off my list!

Shep's passport arrived!!!! How liberating!! It definately makes it real. Now, I have to get my application out there. His took 4 weeks to recieve...hopefully mine won't take longer! So much has happened since I last wrote. The house is up for sale. We have had 3 people come already and 2 more appointments today. Wow. Let's just hope someone bites soon because it's difficult making your house look like a showroom day after day. It's amazing how many things you just leave lying around because it's your house. Now, everything has to be hidden away - all bathroom toiletries, all clothes - and that's a tough one for me. But I know it will lead to a good thing in the end. Shep and I continue to learn through this whole process. We are becoming the more the bestest of friends as they days go on. It will be hard when he's gone before me. I feel like I'm kinda behind him, in a way. I'm getting anxious about all the the things I have to get do...