Friday, September 24, 2004

Fantastic

This is a whole new world I am so excited about.

This week has been zoomy and exhausting, exhilarating and uplifiting, neat and fun.

I will write more later but I just wanted you all to know, my head space is in cloud 9.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Employed Blogger

So how does this work? I have never been an "outted" blogging employee, especially one that works in the writing industry.

I have learned many a lesson from Dooce and am not really looking to get myself canned over my words.

I guess this really will become a place where I share my outside-of-work stories.

I just don't want to start self-censoring because I'm worried what my boss will think if he reads that I'm PMSing.

Do we live in a society that separates personal from work life?

Perhaps my boss will enjoy my insighfulness at this page. Perhaps it will give him a little too much information into who I really am.

Because who are you really at work? Are you really you? Do you really show everything about yourself? Your dreams? Your hopes? Your fears? Your frustrations?

I know I don't.

So tell me, HOW DOES THIS WORK?

The only bloggers I read are pretty much self employed and so I don't really have any concrete examples of how it works.

I just picture in an important meeting:

"We need to decide the blah-di-blah about whosy-whatsit and thingymagig. Oh, and by the way, A, great blog last night about your cramps. My wife can really relate."

There are just some worlds I don't really want to collide.

The bonus is I can force myself to get back to travel writing. I have many stories to share and I should use this space to do so.

That way, keeps me removed from work but allows me to keep writing...which was the whole point of getting this type of job anyway.

I simply remembering being so anonymous when I first started this journey. I had the full time job and wrote cryptically.

Now, I'm a little bit more out in the open and I'm just not quite sure where to start.

So, how does this work? Thoughts? Comments?

Monday, September 13, 2004

How Do I Write This?

Since Thursday, I have been trying to figure out the best way to write this entry.
I have spent the last 3 days calling all the important people, drinking copious amounts of alcohol and sleeping away the stress.

I have come up with various scenarios, cute jokesy blog entries, long sappy ones, metaphorical far-too-deep ones, even short and sweet ones.

It seems I have been trying to think about it for so long that I have thought my way out of actually writing anything clever.

What I can say is: Be picky. Don't settle. Follow the little voice in your head. Go with your gut. Really believe it. Believe in yourself.

About a year ago, I decided I wanted to work in the book industry. I didn't care in what capacity. Writer. Marketer. Editor. Event Admin Assistant.

If I had been given them all on a platter and asked to choose, it would have been marketing because then I could have the best of both worlds. Continue doing the marketing tasks I enjoy - event planning, web content, social networking - while also surrounding myself with people who love books.

I also wanted to do this in Belfast. Something about this city sucked me in and hasn't really let go for over a year and a half.

It was very specific and I can't tell you how many times I was told to broaden my horizons a bit.
But what did I have to lose? I had already given everything up to come across the ocean, not to simply figure out what I wanted to do but to start doing what I really really wanted to do.

It's still very surreal but it happened.

As of Monday, I will be the publicist for a publishing company.

I'm still waiting for someone to pinch me.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Water Cooler Chats

It feels like it's been a very long time that I have been self conscious when I first speak to people at work.

It feels much longer then almost 2 years.

In Canada, I was the friendly communications girl, who doubled as an HR person when new people arrived in the building. I was always the one who would be super-smiley, starting up a conversation with anyone who happened to be in my vicinity.

I always tried to remember something about everyone, so that when I saw them again in the staff kitchen I had a "topic of conversation" to spark up with them.

I can't do that here.

I couldn't do that in Leeds.

It's not because I'm now aware that the American-Canadian "way" comes off as a bit fake to the dry-wit Brits. I am not afraid to continue being me. There's no reason to change my personality just because I've changed my postal code - er postcode.

And yes, I still make sure every person who serves me, opens the door for me, takes my bus fare, even smiles at me, knows I want them to "have a nice day." All UK-ers: I really really do. And as I've said in the past, when we say it at home, we really really meant it.

It is because I am fully aware that as soon as I open my mouth, I will get a strange look from whomever it is I have just spoken to. I will take them aback. I cannot have a casual exchange with anyone. My accent gives me away.

It's not that I blame them. Looking back, if I was squishing out my tea bag into my large mug on a Monday morning back in the tiny staff kitchen in my Toronto workplace and some one came out with, "Ah, I'm knackered today. Need to wise up and stop going out on a the lash on a Sunday night," I think I would do a double take as well.

You see, culturally, our conversations are different.

What I would want to say to someone would be this:

"Hello there! Good morning Bob - How are you? How was your weekend? Back to Monday morning eh?"

I might manage to get it all out before confusion set in, however people are creatures of habit. If you come across someone you don't know in the office, you at least feel the one thing you will have in common is language. And you'll be thrown if you're hearing words that don't normally come into small talk conversations.

And even if people can hear past the accent, the words will be odd. The phrases are different.

It's no longer a casual encounter. It's a chance-foreigner meeting. One that compels people to say things like "you're not from here" or "so, where are you from?"

In no way am I saying I don't enjoy people's curiosity.

It just means that my interaction with them cannot be your average morning coffee/tea kitchen conversation.

But I also know that I have changed my habits, words and phrases to the point that I probably won't be able to have an average one with anyone from home either.

Not necessarily a bad thing. Just something that hit me on Monday, when I was so knackered from the drink and the craic on the weekend that the kitchen made me ache for a fry...

Monday, September 06, 2004

Quiet

I have been quite silent I realize.

And as usual, quite cryptic.

My "one shot" went really really well on Thursday, so well that as much as my heart will explode with joy if it continues to go well, I am really really satisfied and feel that there is nothing more I can do to make this one happen.

Entertaining my university roomate from home on the weekend. It's been fantastic. I love being a tourist in my own city. And I love dishing with a girl that I don't feel uncomfortable around.

I hope to have more words next week but my fuzzy party brain is simply concentrating on getting through my Monday.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

One Shot

"You better move yourself in the music you...you better never let it go. You've only got one shot do not miss your chance to blow cause opportunity comes once in a lifetime" - Eminem (sorta - to be honest, these are the words I hear in my head, they may note be EXACT but today, they motivate me)

Today is a day of opportunity. It feels like a one shot day. Bull by the horns. Caution to the wind. Cliche day.

Fingers crossed and fulled speed ahead.

*******

If you want to read something a bit less cryptic, our SelfAcceptance issue of Mosaic Minds has gone live! Lots of good pieces put together by busy people who were working over holidays:)