Friday, October 11, 2002

More stories to elaborate that I'm not employed, I will have time:

Last day

The new place - our 'flat'

Who knew a bank account would be the hardest part?

Freedom of saying and doing whatever you want

The power of actually doing what so many said could never be done
And so it is done.

I am no longer employed. I'm a full time world traveller. It's great to be alive.

Here was the message I sent to my former colleagues:

I want to thank you all for making my job here at Gavel & Gown that much more rewarding. While I am very excited about my adventures, I will miss the people who make it so special to work here.

As I go, I wanted to pass along a message to all of you:

Tucked away in our subconscious is an idyllic vision. We see ourselves on a
long trip that spans the continent. We are traveling by train. Out the
window we drink the passing scene of cars on nearby highways, of children
waving at a crossing, of cattle grazing on a distant hillside, of smoke
pouring from a power plant, of row upon row of corn and wheat, of flatlands
and valleys, of mountains and rolling hillsides, of city skylines and
village halls. But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. On a
certain day at a certain hour, we will pull into the station. Once we get
there, so many wonderful dreams will come true and the pieces of our lives
will fit together like a completed jigsaw puzzle. How restlessly we pace the
aisles, damning the minutes for loitering - waiting, waiting, waiting for
the station. "When we reach the station, that will be it!" we cry. "When I'm
18." "When I buy a new Mercedes Benz!" "When I put the last kid through
college." When the stock hits $30." When I reach the age of retirement, I
shall live happily ever after!"

Like Robert Hastings I have grown to appreciate that sooner or later, we
must realize there is no station, no one place to arrive at, once and for
all. The joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly
outdistances us.

It isn't the burdens of today that drive men mad. It is the regrets over
yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob
us of today. So I have decided to stop pacing the aisles and counting the
miles..... The station will come soon enough

Good luck and keep in touch,

Okay, I ripped it off - someone else already wrote this. If I knew who, I would give credit but I just thought it was amazing.

In fact, if it's you and you want credit - get in touch.

Thursday, October 03, 2002

I'm so lonely today. Shep hasn't even been gone 24 hours and all I can do is miss him. I guess it will get better. The first couple days must be the hardest. Plus, I have a wicked sore throat. I'm feeling vulnerable and sad and sick. And I wish he was here.

Why did we decide to go at different times? It doesn't really make sense, does it? Mom brought up something today that kick started the guilt wheel.

"I think your father would have liked the whole family to be there".

I immediately got defensive. I think because today is probably the worst day for me to have to defend why we're going separately because right now, I don't know either!!!

Sounded like a good idea at the time.

I realized this afternoon though, something in my subconscious surfaced. I think I wanted Shep to experience this on his own.

Maybe in a way I feel like I've already done the "i-have-no-place-to-call-home" thing. This 'finding yourself and learning about yourself cause you're by yourself' thing.

I think maybe I wanted him to experience it because it was so rewarding for me. I think deep down, that might be why I encouraged him to do that.

Doesn't stop me from missing him terribly.

My throat hurts. My heart hurts more.

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

I can't believe Shep leaves

I need to jot down more short form notes until I have longer amount of time to work with this page. Once's Shep is off, I will have LOTS of time on my hands.

My resignation


The party to end all parties

The Citizenship Waiting Game

Consider yourself teased