Skip to main content
I'm so lonely today. Shep hasn't even been gone 24 hours and all I can do is miss him. I guess it will get better. The first couple days must be the hardest. Plus, I have a wicked sore throat. I'm feeling vulnerable and sad and sick. And I wish he was here.

Why did we decide to go at different times? It doesn't really make sense, does it? Mom brought up something today that kick started the guilt wheel.

"I think your father would have liked the whole family to be there".

I immediately got defensive. I think because today is probably the worst day for me to have to defend why we're going separately because right now, I don't know either!!!

Sounded like a good idea at the time.

I realized this afternoon though, something in my subconscious surfaced. I think I wanted Shep to experience this on his own.

Maybe in a way I feel like I've already done the "i-have-no-place-to-call-home" thing. This 'finding yourself and learning about yourself cause you're by yourself' thing.

I think maybe I wanted him to experience it because it was so rewarding for me. I think deep down, that might be why I encouraged him to do that.

Doesn't stop me from missing him terribly.

My throat hurts. My heart hurts more.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Focus

My regular journaling has significantly improved my mood.

I've been taking some time, twice a week, to polish existing content as well as develop my floating ideas into a more concrete outline.

I've felt this focus for the last 6 weeks that I can't really describe properly. It's as though I've shifted my thinking totally. Writing is my craft. It's what I do, who I am, how I exist. It's like my mojo.

So, I guess, I've gotten my mojo back. My focus, my purpose, my essence.

And it feels good. It feels right. And I am almost understanding more now why the best writing of the best writers happens when they are older, more polished, more experienced, more rough around the edges.

When all the youthful spark has been extinguished and what's left, is the determined embers, that will not go softly, that will not die out. That will continue, fervently glowing, creating warmth and not just drawing attention from its flicker, but pulling people in by it's so…

Room with a view

We've been in our new home for 10 weeks nos and it's feeling more like home than ever.Every day, I sit down at my desk to the most inspiring view.A collection of stories is building. This space makes it easy to gather my thoughts.I've been consumed with a few work projects and am looking forward to collecting my thoughts soon.Writers club is still going ... I was on a bit of a hiatus but hope to get into my routine for fall. For now, boat gazing is helping.

One thing

It's that time of year again. That time when we all decide to become a little more of our better selves.

It's a good time of year to commit to something, even if just to say you're going to try to make it happen. And, even if things don't change and perhaps you even fail at whatever you were resolving, it's actually just the action of pledging change that really brings the most benefit.

And so, this year, as I'm sure most writers are pledging, I pledge to WRITE. MORE.

Not necessarily blog more. But write more. Keep the act of it going. Commit to treating it as my craft instead of my hobby. Promising to keep it a hobby at heart but a skill in practice.

I've started a daily journal again - one page per day -- of anything, really mostly a rundown of what I did that day. Or heck, even a bit of stream of consciousness of what's banging around in the old head that day.



I also bought another daily Q&A book that, if I'm successful, will carry me across…