Coulda Woulda Shoulda

"Everything is going to be alright, when we go Shopping" - BNL, Everything, 2003 What will I do if they ever stop recording? I never thought I would say this about a band but the Barenaked Ladies have done it again with their latest album - Everything. Driving today in the Red Subaru on the way to exchange some gifts and pick up some for my family Christmas (we've spent Christmas with D's family and are heading to see my on Monday for new years! woo hoo), I decided I would enjoy a little 'me' time and listen to what I now know believe to be my favourite present. I just fell in love with every song. Every single one. Everything, you might say. Each one was unique but catchy. I found myself singing along instantly. The words are always so true. So poetic but not pretentious. And every time I hear a new album by them, I feel like they've been living part of my life while writing the new songs because I find I relate to so many of them, in so ...

I'd Like to Thank the Academy So, just realized that there are actually awards for doing this kind of thing: The best of British blogging Who knew? Well, obviously a bunch more people than myself. It strikes me as funny. Blogging - to me - is essentially a form of diary writing. Having it recognized in such an official way makes it a bit more important. I'm still quite a virgin to the whole underground world of the blog so perhaps others have a different take on what a blog actually is and how you define it. Some blogs I go to tend to have so much information that I am immediately overwhelmed and click the 'back' button faster than you can say "blog". I like when blogs have links within their posts. But a link every other word makes my head spin. Did somebody really love so many things within a span of writing for 20 minutes that they had to send me off into the neverland of the Internet 15 different times? It's hard enough to...

Some Additions I've just made additions to my the side bar. It was fun to get into geeky code and just fiddle around. Now, if I could only figure out how to make it look a bit prettier... The Wake We have Thea's wake today. I'm not sure where the origin of wake comes from but on first thought, it doesn't seem to make any sense. No one is a-wake. Everyone is sad and solemn. Perhaps I'll do some investigation and find out what the purpose of the word is. A Good Memory It's funny that I would choose today to suddenly alter my site. Thea loved to get 'into the zone' and go all 'web geeky' into her sites. When we were working on the launch , we would sit in our cubicles, side by side, just tap-tap-taping away on our keyboards. In silence but comfortable in each other's presence. "Thea?" tap tap tap "Hey Thea, I was thinking..." tap tap-ity-tap tap tap "We should maybe figure out how w...

Happy Holidays! Happy Hanukkah! Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!

All of your comments warmed my heart and brought a tear to my eye. It is something Thea would have loved so much - women interacting. People, interacting. She loved it when technology brought people together. Thanks for remembering and honouring her without even knowing who she was. ****** I didn't want to leave this with such sorrow so I am only posting a short one tonight as I'm a bit tired from my new 'day job'. (temp work ended up working out until the end of this week!) A Friendly Voice I'm going to hang out with a friend on Friday I haven't seen since June - and a short lunch at that. I'm so excited. I just talked to her on the phone. She sounds amazing. A new place, a new job - her life is just is such a good place right now. And I can hear it in her voice. She is a changed woman. Guess a lot has changed for both of us over the past year. I'm enjoying this catching up with people from home. I hope it doesn't...

An Incredible Loss The world has said goodbye to an amazing spirit. My friend, mentor and pal, Thea Partridge, died suddenly on Monday evening from a brain aneurysm. She was an amazingly enthusiastic, supportive, innovative, intelligent and fun lady to be around. I just can't believe it. She was 54. So many times, over the past year, she has sent me wonderfully encouraging emails about how I made the right decision, that I would look at the world in a completely different way. I am so sad. I am still in shock. We had exchanged emails on Monday morning - both apologizing for being so busy and not yet being able to meet and up and that we would definitely get together after New Years. And that afternoon, she died. I sent her a birthday e-card on Monday. Her birthday is on the 18th. I get reminded by BirthdayAlarm.com to send cards to those on my list. I got a second one for Thea - I was going to 'do it later' but decided I might as well set it u...

How exciting are comments? Thanks to the ladies who said hello. I will not write about it any more because I can see myself getting obsessed at what people are saying:) ***** Taking care of my 15 month old nephew today. He has changed so much since we got home. It's hard to even remember what he was like two weeks ago, let alone a year ago. D and him are real buddies - which is kinda cute in a way. It's like a trial run for dad-hood...oh goodness...what am I saying? Must be that time of year... or month. ***** Skating on the weekend was the most amazing experience. Just going around and around the rink, looking up at all the lights, seeing all kids, hearing people speak without accents, seeing the CN Tower. It just made me realize I'm home. There's snow. There's ice. It's crisp - but not wet cold like England. And I'm around so many people again. When we were travelling, I did like the aspect of anonymity. It was really just D and...

Yippee! Thanks to my feisty friend, (www.feistyscribe.com) I have now added comments to this site:) I wonder if this will be counter productive, considering my last post. Oh well - let's see who's out there, I guess.

My inspiration seems to have failed me in the mornings lately. I find I'm a much better writer at night. I used to be able to open up my blog, and come out with something half decent. Now, I seem to struggle first thing in the morning to come up with something interesting to say. Maybe it's because I know I have now given this web address out. I like that people enjoy what I'm writing. I'm worried, though, that I am thinking too much about what to write instead of just writing it. I have to try and pretend that I don't know that anyone is reading this. Then, maybe I'll be able to write again. Isn't that the strangest thing? You want to write to change people's lives, to make a difference, to have your voice heard. Then, when you know people might be reading, you lose your ability to write. Bear with me, readers. Perhaps I'm just having a case of the Mondays.

An Early Christmas Gift I lost a good friend to an argument a year ago. I don't think either of us realized how much we were friends until the disagreement. It took me a whole year to stop being angry. I'm not a petty person. I don't hold grudges. I just felt I had been tricked into counting on someone. And I did. And I don't count on people. I help others. I support them. But I rarely ask people to help me. Must be the perfectionist part of me. I don't like to admit that I'm wrong. I'm even worse at apologizing. And, I don't like to be let down. Usually I keep my expectations low of other people because of this. Sometimes, I get burned. I got my friend back last night. I said everything I wanted to say. And he listened. I thought I would never stop being angry. Or hurt or sad. But I have. I realized sometimes you do need to let a fight last so long that you can get over being so upset and forget why you were even mad in the firs...

My Old Life? It's weird to have a social life again - since when did I know so many people? It's weird to no longer have the time to lounge around - too many people to see and stories to tell It's bizarre to have multiple outfits to choose from - there was only so much we could fit in our backpacks It's fun to actually get dressed up to go out - usually it was me and D and some bottles of wine ***** Tonight, we're going ice skating. Then out with friends in Toronto. I am so excited. It is really a winter in Canada. I can't believe how much I really did miss snow and winter events. I wrote earlier about fond memories of tobboganning. I have probably only skated about 5 times in the last 6 years so I don't know why I associate that with something that I have been dying to do. Perhaps it was just knowing that I COULDN'T skate in Leeds - that is what is making me so exstatic. My Canadian friends must think I'm crazy to m iss ...

Be Prepared Energy levels are not high but had a little thought, un-writing, un-travel related to share. Ladies, put your girls in Girl Guides. When I lived in Canada, I volunteered as a Girl Guide leader. I did it initially to bring back fond memories as a Brownie, Girl Guide, Pathfinder and yes..a Junior Leader. I chose Guides because I wanted to lead 9 to 11 year olds. This was definitely the best age to hang out with girls. Old enough that they're becoming young ladies but young enough that they don't say 'I Hate You" every other sentence. Tonight, I went back for the annual Christmas party to chat with my leader friends and see how much the girls have grown since I've left. It was so nice to be back with them. Watching them interact with each other. Making them figure out how to do crafts on their own instead of becoming frustrated and doing the craft for them. And just watching them "be", without feeling the type of pressures t...

Well, temp agencies are what they are cracked up to be. I'll be offline during the day until the weekend. YAY some extra cash before Christmas:) Will try and post at night...if my energy levels are up:)

A Cinderella Story? Sometimes, it just doesn’t seem real. I’m moving forward with my writing and my life in a way that I never thought would actually happen. Being the queen of procrastination, I’m quite good at coming up with excuses as to why something hasn’t been done. But it seems to be happening. And now what? What happens when I really start to get doing exactly what I want to be doing? It’s a bit scary. It doesn’t involve money. For me, it really has never been about that. I just wanted enough to be able to eventually get a facial and manicure every month – although I’ve never had either so who knows if I even want those on a regular basis. Maybe just frequent shopping sprees. People who don’t have any money do that so I can’t possibly need a fortune to hit the mall every once in awhile. They always say, do what you love and you will succeed. For a while, I was sure that I could just blame my failures on the fact that I wasn’t doing what I loved. And when did ...

I knew there were things about my personality that would change this year. I wasn't expecting, however, to come home, afraid of barking dogs. I didn't actually realize that I might be afraid of a barking dog until last week, my friend's cute and cuddly golden retriever was trying to protect me from a black garbage bag flying around in the backyard - obviously resembling something like Darth Vader. When we lived in Leeds, we had a cute little flat on a cute little street. They were row houses - all stuck together - and there were only eight of them. We lived right at the end. I loved that I felt like I was living in Coronation Street. It was so quaint - so England. And then I met the dogs. Mutt #1 - a yippie brown and white small terrier dog with an obvious Napoleon complex and an obsession with protecting its territory. Mutt #2 - a small black old dog with more of a bark than a howl Mutt #3 - German Shepherd puppy which grew quite quickly in the time we we...

I've missed a couple of days. I had a couple of interesting experiences since I last wrote and I'm eager to share them. Sadly, I have been enjoying myself too much the past couple of days to even be in front of a computer.:) One more day in my good old small town. My stories will have to wait until tomorrow...

Food for Thought I was never a picky eater. Or so my mother tells me. As a child, I would eat just about anything. I admit, I will ‘lose my lunch’ if I smell or taste coconut. I usually just say I’m allergic to it because it just makes it easier than going into details. I think it has something to do with my recollection of the smell and the consistency of flaked coconut. For a while, I went off marshmallows after I ate too many roasted ones camping and made myself sick. I’m sure I stopped eating spaghetti – because of the flu – and oranges – from when my sister had the flu. But generally speaking, I didn’t have a problem finding something to eat. When I went away to university, it seemed that my favourite foods just happened to be good for you. Could not get enough of vegetables. Fresh. Canned. Frozen. Bring it on. Ate rice every day. And stopped liking sweet things – chocolate, gummies, ice cream. My only weakness was potato chips. Somehow, my taste buds were help...

Escape Artist I had a weird feeling this afternoon. I was tying up my shoes to take my friend’s dog for a walk when an eerie question popped into my head. Am I escaping? Just like that. It was a question as clear as day. And I had no idea where it came from. What if, the voice continued, I was even a full time, professional escapist? I stopped and thought about my actions. I came to some conclusions: I have moved every year since second year university. I have not had a home longer than 12 months since 1997. I used to think I didn’t like that. But maybe, subconsciously, I did. I have procrastinated every since grade 7. Procrastination is a form of trying to get away with something - or away from something. Every day, I come up with a new idea of what I want to be when I grow up. It's like I find ways to start from scratch all over again just so I don't have to justify why I haven't finished what I started. I have come back to my small hometown to...

There is snow outside and I couldn't be happier. I never thought I would be happy to see the white stuff again. I didn't even really realize that I missed it. Until I saw it. When I was little, I remember getting all bundled up with my snow pants and winter jacket - non-matching of course - and going outside to play in the snow. Sometimes is would be snow men. Maybe even as elaborate as a snow family. My sisters and I could never really seem to find a good carrot to stick for their noses. It always seemed we had the dried up shriveled ones that wouldn't actually stick in the packed snow. So the snow people eventually ended up without noses. If it was the weekend, my dad would pack us up into the large GMC grey van (in later years known as 'The Beast') and drive us over to the hospital grounds where they had THE BEST hill for sledding. My mom would actually be in charge of making sure that we were bundled up. 2 or 3 layers of pants. Undershirts, turtleneck a...