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An Early Christmas Gift

I lost a good friend to an argument a year ago.

I don't think either of us realized how much we were friends until the disagreement.

It took me a whole year to stop being angry. I'm not a petty person. I don't hold grudges. I just felt I had been tricked into counting on someone. And I did.

And I don't count on people. I help others. I support them. But I rarely ask people to help me. Must be the perfectionist part of me.

I don't like to admit that I'm wrong. I'm even worse at apologizing.

And, I don't like to be let down. Usually I keep my expectations low of other people because of this. Sometimes, I get burned.

I got my friend back last night. I said everything I wanted to say. And he listened.

I thought I would never stop being angry. Or hurt or sad. But I have. I realized sometimes you do need to let a fight last so long that you can get over being so upset and forget why you were even mad in the first place. It makes it easier to just say 'I'm sorry' and then continue on being friends.

This year has also taught me a lot about figuring out what is really important and what isn't. I knew my feelings about our disagreement - in which, by the way, he does admit he was completely and utterly at fault - meant it was really important to me to make sure he realized how difficult he made things for me.

At the same time, I also realized that keeping him out of my life was more painful than the hurt I felt about his actions.

It didn't take long for things to feel like they used to. I suppose alcohol does help sometimes for you to say what you really think.

And he will go back on my email distribution list.

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