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A Bit O' a Ramble

My mind cannot stay focussed. I feel as though all my ideas are going to explode out of my brain. I feel as though I'm not working fast enough. I feel as though I'm not getting anything done.

I'm terrified that I won't be able to write everything down before it floats out of my head.

I'm certain I sound like a crazy person. I don't know if anyone can understand the busy-ness of my mind.

There are moments when I think I'm observing too much. When I feel as though no one else in the world can possibly be analysing and over-analysing all these things that I am.

I don't feel lonely but more alone. In a way that I can never express. In a way that I think everyone is - inside you head.

But does anyone want to get it all out as much as I do? Maybe some people are happy to have ideas float in and out and not turn them into a observation. Perhaps I'm not unique in my observation abilities but moreso in my need to tell the world.

I feel so motivated right now. I am going to ride this as long as I can. I just have a funny feeling that the winds are changing and I can't explain why.

A friend of mine once told me about "year karma". I'm quite sure that's not the official name but it defines it for me.

The theory goes like this:

Whatever you are feeling is related to whatever you were doing or feeling a year before.

Throughout the month of May, I was down and melancholy about travelling. I felt like I wasn't making any progress here and every day I would wake up thinking, "a year ago I was on the beach in Greece". This does not help motivation. At all.

Since June hit, I have come alive again, focussing on what I can do to improve the future, changing my mindset from what I expected to what exists.

Last year at this time, I would have been in Switzerland, enjoying myself yes but also preparing to go home. Thinking of the people I would see, things I would do, food I would eat.

I think that planning ahead spirit is hitting me right now.

And I've realized baby steps are better then no steps at all. I've come to this realization before - that I can simply write - but it got lost somewhere. I'm so glad it's back.

Thank goodness for year karma.

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