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A Bit O' a Ramble

My mind cannot stay focussed. I feel as though all my ideas are going to explode out of my brain. I feel as though I'm not working fast enough. I feel as though I'm not getting anything done.

I'm terrified that I won't be able to write everything down before it floats out of my head.

I'm certain I sound like a crazy person. I don't know if anyone can understand the busy-ness of my mind.

There are moments when I think I'm observing too much. When I feel as though no one else in the world can possibly be analysing and over-analysing all these things that I am.

I don't feel lonely but more alone. In a way that I can never express. In a way that I think everyone is - inside you head.

But does anyone want to get it all out as much as I do? Maybe some people are happy to have ideas float in and out and not turn them into a observation. Perhaps I'm not unique in my observation abilities but moreso in my need to tell the world.

I feel so motivated right now. I am going to ride this as long as I can. I just have a funny feeling that the winds are changing and I can't explain why.

A friend of mine once told me about "year karma". I'm quite sure that's not the official name but it defines it for me.

The theory goes like this:

Whatever you are feeling is related to whatever you were doing or feeling a year before.

Throughout the month of May, I was down and melancholy about travelling. I felt like I wasn't making any progress here and every day I would wake up thinking, "a year ago I was on the beach in Greece". This does not help motivation. At all.

Since June hit, I have come alive again, focussing on what I can do to improve the future, changing my mindset from what I expected to what exists.

Last year at this time, I would have been in Switzerland, enjoying myself yes but also preparing to go home. Thinking of the people I would see, things I would do, food I would eat.

I think that planning ahead spirit is hitting me right now.

And I've realized baby steps are better then no steps at all. I've come to this realization before - that I can simply write - but it got lost somewhere. I'm so glad it's back.

Thank goodness for year karma.

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One thing

It's that time of year again. That time when we all decide to become a little more of our better selves.

It's a good time of year to commit to something, even if just to say you're going to try to make it happen. And, even if things don't change and perhaps you even fail at whatever you were resolving, it's actually just the action of pledging change that really brings the most benefit.

And so, this year, as I'm sure most writers are pledging, I pledge to WRITE. MORE.

Not necessarily blog more. But write more. Keep the act of it going. Commit to treating it as my craft instead of my hobby. Promising to keep it a hobby at heart but a skill in practice.

I've started a daily journal again - one page per day -- of anything, really mostly a rundown of what I did that day. Or heck, even a bit of stream of consciousness of what's banging around in the old head that day.



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