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Where is the Love?

I feel as though I may have not been sharing enough of the love om my blog recently.

Okay, let's face it, I haven't really been sharing much of anything on this thing recently.

But I think it's important to just say, at this moment, I am really really happy. I am so content and peaceful and blissful. I'm just perfect.

I suppose this surprises even me a little bit becaseu I have to say, a couple of weeks ago, I was not this. I was very not happy. Very un blissful. Very "I'm going home" uncontented.

There are times of helplessness, times of shear out-of-controlness, that you want to grab hold and do something drastic, if only to assert the power that you are in control.

D pointed out to me that I made it for quite some time before I declared that I was done, threw my toys out of my pram and decided that the next flight back to Toronto would have me on it.

It's slightly scary to think that is your only option. Slightly libertating as well. And, on the other side, even better to realise that no, you're not perfect and yes, anything in life will try you but you don't give up. You don't quit. And after a good night's sleep, things really are clearer in the morning.

We have been so lucky in many ways in China. Our rooms have been so clean. Our hostel staff so lovely. Our locations, for the most part, perfect. And so, it's due to planning or luck that these things have happened.

Which is why, I cannot stress more to plan and unplan this type of trip. D and I have had numerous conversations and discussions (the sheer amount leaving me to believe that if given the opportunity, we COULD create world peace with our skills) about what we're going to do next and what to cut out of the original plan.

I can proudly say, thanks to the best CFO on the planet, that we have been good at sticking to our budget. We have given up things but been firm about what we really want, to make sure that this is not simply a quest, but an experience rich with treats and worldly sights combined.

We have rarely scimped on accomodation. And have slept better for skimping on nights on the piss. Because people, unless your on a beach when the next day doesn't matter, you don't want to spend your time recovering from too much sauce.

Most importantly, we have said it numerous times to each other, WE CAN always go home. If both of us, could just simply no longer go on, we would leave.

But even as those words leave your lips, if for one second you hesitate and think about what you're missing, you don't want to go home.

And neither do I. Not yet. I have spent the last 2 days wandering amongst some of the most historic places of recent and past times. I have felt my breath catch, my heart lurch, my eyes glisten (and yes, I CAN hear all your throats retching but believe me, it's NOTHING compared to the horking that goes on here..hello?? pollution?? anyway...)

If I had gone home, I would not have had those moments, however brief and fleeting.

And those are the ones that make it.

On Monday, we head to the Great Wall. THE GREAT WALL. You can see the thing from space, people!

I'm so happy to be excited again.

I'm coming home. Just not yet...


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