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Your Own Company

Everyone should try to become comfortable in their own company. D's away for a long weekend and I'm attempting to really enjoy just hanging out with myself.

I suppose it sounds terrible to say but in a way, it just feels so sad.

It's not that I'm sad, it's just that being alone feels sad. To me.

You could hear a pin drop in my house right now. And really, if I just sat around in my pajamas all day, who would really know? Or care?

Perhaps I sound selfish or needy or pathetic and I suppose that would make me a bad writer because that's actually not what I'm trying to convey.

I'm simply sitting here, in this moment alone, and thinking 'what am I feeling about this whole being alone thing?'

As the oldest in a family of four, there was never a time when my house was quiet. When there was no one around. When I got to make all the choices, without anyone around and without having to think of anyone else.

I think I'm just not cut out for this by-myself-life.

Give it another hour and I'll be talking to the couch.


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