Coulda Woulda Shoulda

This is a whole new world I am so excited about. This week has been zoomy and exhausting, exhilarating and uplifiting, neat and fun. I will write more later but I just wanted you all to know, my head space is in cloud 9.

So how does this work? I have never been an "outted" blogging employee, especially one that works in the writing industry. I have learned many a lesson from Dooce and am not really looking to get myself canned over my words. I guess this really will become a place where I share my outside-of-work stories. I just don't want to start self-censoring because I'm worried what my boss will think if he reads that I'm PMSing. Do we live in a society that separates personal from work life? Perhaps my boss will enjoy my insighfulness at this page. Perhaps it will give him a little too much information into who I really am. Because who are you really at work? Are you really you? Do you really show everything about yourself? Your dreams? Your hopes? Your fears? Your frustrations? I know I don't. So tell me, HOW DOES THIS WORK? The only bloggers I read are pretty much self employed and so I don't really have any concrete examples of how it wo...

Since Thursday, I have been trying to figure out the best way to write this entry. I have spent the last 3 days calling all the important people, drinking copious amounts of alcohol and sleeping away the stress. I have come up with various scenarios, cute jokesy blog entries, long sappy ones, metaphorical far-too-deep ones, even short and sweet ones. It seems I have been trying to think about it for so long that I have thought my way out of actually writing anything clever. What I can say is: Be picky. Don't settle. Follow the little voice in your head. Go with your gut. Really believe it. Believe in yourself. About a year ago, I decided I wanted to work in the book industry. I didn't care in what capacity. Writer. Marketer. Editor. Event Admin Assistant. If I had been given them all on a platter and asked to choose, it would have been marketing because then I could have the best of both worlds. Continue doing the marketing tasks I enjoy - event planning, web co...

It feels like it's been a very long time that I have been self conscious when I first speak to people at work. It feels much longer then almost 2 years. In Canada, I was the friendly communications girl, who doubled as an HR person when new people arrived in the building. I was always the one who would be super-smiley, starting up a conversation with anyone who happened to be in my vicinity. I always tried to remember something about everyone, so that when I saw them again in the staff kitchen I had a "topic of conversation" to spark up with them. I can't do that here. I couldn't do that in Leeds. It's not because I'm now aware that the American-Canadian "way" comes off as a bit fake to the dry-wit Brits. I am not afraid to continue being me. There's no reason to change my personality just because I've changed my postal code - er postcode. And yes, I still make sure every person who serves me, opens the door for me, t...

I have been quite silent I realize. And as usual, quite cryptic. My "one shot" went really really well on Thursday, so well that as much as my heart will explode with joy if it continues to go well, I am really really satisfied and feel that there is nothing more I can do to make this one happen. Entertaining my university roomate from home on the weekend. It's been fantastic. I love being a tourist in my own city. And I love dishing with a girl that I don't feel uncomfortable around. I hope to have more words next week but my fuzzy party brain is simply concentrating on getting through my Monday.

"You better move yourself in the music you...you better never let it go. You've only got one shot do not miss your chance to blow cause opportunity comes once in a lifetime" - Eminem (sorta - to be honest, these are the words I hear in my head, they may note be EXACT but today, they motivate me) Today is a day of opportunity. It feels like a one shot day. Bull by the horns. Caution to the wind. Cliche day. Fingers crossed and fulled speed ahead. ******* If you want to read something a bit less cryptic, our SelfAcceptance issue of Mosaic Minds has gone live! Lots of good pieces put together by busy people who were working over holidays:)

I've been quiet because there are some exciting things going on here and I just want to wait until their all settled. It's hard to simply write as though nothing spectacular is happening so I'd rather just be fairly silent until at least I get through til the end of the week. I know I know, I have the laptop. Couldn't I simply spend 10 minutes coming up with something? Perhaps since my Olympic flame has been extinguished for another 2 years. But then again, they've just started showing the new episodes of the O.C. here...

To my surprise, when I got home from work yesterday, there was a message on my answering machine. I panicked for about 7 mintutes while I tried to remember my password because I never check it because no one actually ever seems to leave us messages. But somehow I just knew. When I finally got through, I squealed at the sound of the voice. It was E's mom, letting me know I was one of the first people she called. Mr. T.H. was born around 7:00 EST Tuesday morning, August 24, 2004. The same time I was writing him his letter - 12:00 GMT. What a weird cosmic vibe it was that flew from my fingertips, across the ocean and into the hospital delivery room. Welcome to the world, tiger.

Kiddo: It's time. It's really really time. It does seem like yesterday I had this phone conversation with your mom, E, my very best friend from high school: Your mom: "Well, I have something to tell you." Me aka Aunt A: Oh. My. God. Your mom: Me: Oh. My. God. Oh. My God. Your mom: "I'm pregnant" AHHHHH. In that one sentence, our entire friendship flashed before my eyes. I suddenly realized that we were onto the next level. We were becoming, eh-em, the OLDER generation. My excitement was more then I could contain. I was screaming with delight. She was laughing on the other line, saying she couldn't wait to tell me because she knew my reaction would be the best. I wanted to run to her house. Give her a hug and make her some broccolli. You will like broccolli won't you? Because it's quite good for you. All that folic acid and stuff. (And if you don't like red wine, well don't blame me! I tried to tell he...

I used to relish methodical work of updating content on web pages. Zoning into the screen. Clicking, almost rhythmically from program to program, Ctrl C, Ctrl V, watching it all fit into place. It was just text. Simple text in notepad or the text module of the content manager. Just letters, 26 different ones mixed up in millions of different configurations, to make up what looked like a screen of a foreign language. I could work for hours, just highlighting...copying...switch programs...pasting, getting lost in the monotony but taking great care. Because anyone who has worked on code knows that one little character in the wrong place and it will all go haywire. But it could be a hidden mistake, one that you wouldn't notice until you were brave enough to take a look at the graphical masterpiece the letters had created...you had created. Preview...launch browser...voila. And there it was, suddenly, all the letters made a beautiful piece of work, that came alive with...

For the first time in a few months, D headed to bed before me. We tend to make it a habit to always go to bed together at the same time. And, while he wasn't impressed that I was not following our cute routine, I had to confess that I was having an affair. I needed to stay up with my beloved laptop. The machine that allows me to write away, organize files, schedule tasks. It even allowed me to write a blog entry. Of course, when I read it this morning, it seemed a little too much for the blog. I think perhaps I'll keep my thoughts of body image, fad diets and healthy lifestyles to myself. (It didn't seem controversial at 11 at night however, the morning has brought some clarity) Ideas are racing through my head and now I have an outlet. I am so happy. So so happy. I am so ecstatic that it's only a little thing like having a new love in my life can turn my productivity around. My long term goals don't seem that far away any more because I have the power o...

I now have a laptop. I have no excuse. Except, perhaps my Olympic Fever. I promise to stop making excuses about writing and just write.... But I'll just watch these Gymnastic trials and then...

It is quite odd to be watching the UK footage of the Olympics. For as long as I can remember, I have watched from the Canadian perspective, including interviews with Canadian athletes, stories of their triumphs and struggles, pictures of them suited in the red and white maple leaf attire. This year, I have no idea who is actually competing for my country. For the first time in a long time, I watched the Opening Ceremony from start to finish. I just wanted to make sure I saw the Canadian team and all the flags in the stands. I have been pouring over the TV guide, making sure I know what time the events are on so I can make the most of the Olympic Games. This is also the first year that I have actually been to the venue. Athens, a city that I did not have much to write home about, really does seem transformed. Although most of the wide shots are of the Acropolis, you can tell the visitors are impressed. I, like many who have been to Athens pre-Olympics, was so skeptical as...

Having an amazing break. Seeing family get excited about a place you feel at home in is such a liberating experience. You don't need their approval but it helps to let you know that you did make such a fantastic decision. I'm saving my writing for the next issue of Mosaic Minds, which we're busy writing away on, but I just wanted to share this post because that Alex the Girl always makes heaps of sense. I'm with ya sister Something else I've been thinking about: Don't be afraid to change your plans. Life really is the journey and not the destination.

I'll be away from blogging for the next week as we're having our SECOND VISITORS to Belfast! D's parents will be staying for the week and I'm more excited then I can share. It's so wonderful to be able to show your life to the people you care about. Plus, could use another break for the brain. I seem to be needing a lot of those lately. Just want to keep my motivation up. And I can't think of a more fitting post to be on the site while I'm away for a week. I read this on a blog today (Sunday August 01 entry). "A ship in a harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are built for" Way to go Penelope. No matter what happens, you will never regret this. I'll never stop loving leaping stories. Brings a smile to my face, a tear to my eye and a hug on my heart to hear people "living it".

I haven't heard back yet. I'm just waiting. I'm too chicken to call and find anything out. Especially since D's parents are coming for a visit this weekend! The last thing I need is to be feeling rejected when they're around. Still feeling positive about things, although it's a bit scary how September looms and we don't seem to be any closer to the "place" we wanted to be here in Belfast. Once the summer is over, we will have no excuse. Perhaps then it will be scarier. Not as scary, though, as the fact that my current contract will probably run out in October. I can't believe I might have to start up another temp job, put all the effort into understanding a business and the people in it for a temporary period. A sudden change of plans, perhaps somewhere in the Medeterrainean might be in the cards. Yum. Greek food for eternity.

Is it possible there are angels or beings or aliens above that have decided to wind me up? Is it possible that on Friday I saw a job advertised that was the job I said I wanted last year while working in Leeds? The actual OLD THING that I was originally excited about having but then felt like it was weighing me down and now that I maybe am okay with the OLD THING not happening the powers that be decide to dangle it right there in front of me? AM I DREAMING??? I hate to not post it - because it really is killing me that I haven't been able to make public my other two gems - but I think this route seems to be bringing me the opportunities that I keep dreaming up in my head. What the freak is going on???!!!??? Could someone please pinch me or smack me or throw water all over me just so I know this is actualy happening??? I'm really nervous and excited and scared and shocked. How is it that the universe has dropped yet another golden egg in my lap and said, ...

One of my oldest friends, K, is getting married to her dreamy boy R today. I have known him as her beau for many years (I think we're even talking over 10) and I could not picture a more perfect guy for her to be marrying. If I was at the wedding - which I desperately wish I was - I would want to say this: Today is a dream realized from years past The white dress, the wedding cake, the promise of a love that lasts Today is the beginning of a journey the two of you now share The vow to love, honor, and cherish now seen in the rings you wear But tomorrow, tomorrow you will wake as husband and wife Where the person next to you is yours for life And so my wish to you both is that when you wake each day You will turn to each other with the same look you share today I wish I could say I wrote this but I didn't. I just thought it was so lovely and sweet. To another friend, taking the leap, towards eternal happiness.

Raspberries remind me of picking them in my grandmother's backyard when I was small. She would ask me to help her gather them and the intention was to make jam. If I didn't eat all of the raspberries, we would occasionally get a jar or two and then we'd eat it all up over the two weeks I was visiting her in the summer. Buying berry fruits reminds me of being an adult. The independance to go to the grocery store and stock up on treat items like strawberries and blueberries and raspberries and blackberries and the non berry fruit melon and not have to worry about how much I'm spending on them because I won't have enough for staples like milk and bread. Fall reminds me of piling into the family vehicle - either the station wagon or the van - and venturing out with everyone to the apple orchard to pick apples, swing in the trees and ride on the old style horse wagon. At the end we'd gather in the converted bar for some warm hot cider and apple pie, made fresh ...

EDITOR'S NOTE: Girls will probably appreciate more. Boys will either go "ick" or "huh?" but it's just something I wanted to share. **** After 10 plus years of dealing with hormones, I think I have finally figured mine out. As teenagers, we have them raging through our bodies. When we become adults, they tend to settle a little however there always seems to be a certain time of the month when they bring on ... well... let's just say "different" emotions. I've also been quite verbal about my "crazy week" as I like to call it and no, it's not the "friend has arrived" week, it is the "friend will be here next week" week. I always get very melancholy, introspective, melodramatic, mopey, irrational and moody. I cry often. Once I cried at a milk commercial that had high school football players in it because I thought their wholesomeness was just so cute. Over the years, I have begun to spo...