Coulda Woulda Shoulda

One of my oldest friends, K, is getting married to her dreamy boy R today. I have known him as her beau for many years (I think we're even talking over 10) and I could not picture a more perfect guy for her to be marrying. If I was at the wedding - which I desperately wish I was - I would want to say this: Today is a dream realized from years past The white dress, the wedding cake, the promise of a love that lasts Today is the beginning of a journey the two of you now share The vow to love, honor, and cherish now seen in the rings you wear But tomorrow, tomorrow you will wake as husband and wife Where the person next to you is yours for life And so my wish to you both is that when you wake each day You will turn to each other with the same look you share today I wish I could say I wrote this but I didn't. I just thought it was so lovely and sweet. To another friend, taking the leap, towards eternal happiness.

Raspberries remind me of picking them in my grandmother's backyard when I was small. She would ask me to help her gather them and the intention was to make jam. If I didn't eat all of the raspberries, we would occasionally get a jar or two and then we'd eat it all up over the two weeks I was visiting her in the summer. Buying berry fruits reminds me of being an adult. The independance to go to the grocery store and stock up on treat items like strawberries and blueberries and raspberries and blackberries and the non berry fruit melon and not have to worry about how much I'm spending on them because I won't have enough for staples like milk and bread. Fall reminds me of piling into the family vehicle - either the station wagon or the van - and venturing out with everyone to the apple orchard to pick apples, swing in the trees and ride on the old style horse wagon. At the end we'd gather in the converted bar for some warm hot cider and apple pie, made fresh ...

EDITOR'S NOTE: Girls will probably appreciate more. Boys will either go "ick" or "huh?" but it's just something I wanted to share. **** After 10 plus years of dealing with hormones, I think I have finally figured mine out. As teenagers, we have them raging through our bodies. When we become adults, they tend to settle a little however there always seems to be a certain time of the month when they bring on ... well... let's just say "different" emotions. I've also been quite verbal about my "crazy week" as I like to call it and no, it's not the "friend has arrived" week, it is the "friend will be here next week" week. I always get very melancholy, introspective, melodramatic, mopey, irrational and moody. I cry often. Once I cried at a milk commercial that had high school football players in it because I thought their wholesomeness was just so cute. Over the years, I have begun to spo...

I am very afraid of failure. I realize this is stating the obvious. Who isn't afraid of failure? It's just, I feel that I haven't really failed for a long time. And I don't mean that in a conceited arrogant way. I just mean I feel as though I'm putting myself out there right now more then I have in a really long time. I am truly pushing my own boundaries and I'm afraid of falling flat on my face. I just had a little panic flicker that went, "what are you doing?" Feisty does this great bit about Fear stalking her and how she's always tried to push him into the closet so Confidence can stay for awhile. I am missing my Lady Luck. I have always been someone who believes that most of the things that happen to you, happen to you because you worked hard. But then again, some of the best things that have happened to me is because of Lady Luck. The most obvious being meeting D - he was never supposed to live in the same residence I did a...

I know I live by the sea because of the seagulls. They float around in the sky, swooping up and down past the clouds. I see them outside my balcony window. I know I live by the sea because I can hear them. Groaning and moaning. Screeching. Wooo-ahhhing at each other. The screaming children I see being dragged about from shop to shop must have learned how to squawk from these seagulls because it's hard to tell the difference. So many times, I stop, mid-sentence, mid-walk-in-the-bedroom, mid-making-tea, thinking someone is torturing a child outside. I hear them when I'm in that slumbery place right before dawn breaks. And I start to dream about fighting people, screaming children, angry angry birds. In Leeds, the traffic outside my bedroom window sounded like the ocean. Sometimes I would imagine that if I lifted the cutains, there would be this magical landscape of rock face, foliage, sand and sea. The beaming sun would peek out from the clouds in ...

Ooooooooo - another twist in the plot. I got a letter today from a place I applied to awhile ago. It's not exactly part of the new thing. It's actually completely new altogether. Hmmm. Be careful what you wish for. If it's clear as mud to you well then we're definitely in the same boat. My mind still spinning a bit. A step towards a success. So many opportunities. So cryptic. But I'm enjoying this secret to myself right now.

Every night before I go to bed, I set out a tea mug with an Earl Grey tea bag in it, a cereal bowl, a large cereal spoon, mulivitamin jar and the cod liver oil jar. I am usually quite comotose in the morning, so these small tasks make it easier to cope with waking up. I don't have to fiddle with the cupboards - I simply have to click on the kettle. And so, in my morning state, I did what I do every morning. Go and turn the kettle on before I get in the shower. Then, when I get out of the shower, I can go and fill my mug and let the tea stew while I get dressed. By the time I dressed, the tea is usually done and then I can remove the tea bag, add the milk - or the soya milk that I'm attempting to like but it is so difficult - and eat my cereal - which I don't really like but I know is good for me and therefore will eat. But this morning, for some reason, I was too asleep and forgot to turn the kettle on. I was dressed before I even made it into the kitchen. ...

It's happened. It took a whole year but it has finally happened. It's something I was quite worried about. I wasn't expecting to feel fine about the whole thing if it happened. I was expecting to feel more like a failure. I was proud that something had stuck in my head for so long, that I had been focussed on one goal. That I was beginning to "find myself" and know exactly what it was that I wanted to be. Really be And yet, there is an enthsusiasm, mixed with calm, mixed with relief. But there is definitely a wind of change. I hate to be cryptic but I'm just not quite ready to announce my new "thing" to the world yet. It's simply that I am excited that it is a NEW THING . It's not even that anything has moved forward with it. It's simply that it's a NEW-THING in my head. Something else to try. A modification due to circumstances out of my control. A "seen the light" kind of moment, because if my Belfast li...

For the past two days, I have been letting my brain re-energize. I chatted with so many friends and relatives over the weekend. I did a lot of thinking. I watched the entire first part of the Anne of Green Gables triolgy - three and a half hours - in my pjs, with tea and popcorn. All that before noon. I realized that the only days I want to sleep in are the days that I have to go to work. I tried very hard to put my life into perspective. And I realized, I need "change my mind" as the song goes (and I really wish I could remember who wrote it) I am not impatient. I am ambitious. I need to rework the way I am used to working. And so, I will be putting in place a new schedule for myself. I'm sick of coming off as a complainer and not a do-er. Give me a schedule and I'll stick to it. Wish me luck.

I will have two full days off next week. To myself. Dreamy D is stuck at work and I am privelaged enough to be given the July 12th and 13th as a public holiday. Next week will be SO SLOW in the office as I think I am the only person NOT going away somewhere. Well, I do exaggerate. There will be 3 of us in our department. I just hope I'm not bored. But then again, I could always write. And I think I will see enough excitement this Monday to give me the inspiration. There will be lots of bands and parades out in the city. It will be interesting to see. Everything kicks off with a huge bonfire as well. I'm not sure, though, that going too close to the fire party will end up being such a grand idea. My first July 12th in Northern Ireland. It should be interesting.

Never compare yourself to someone else's success, not matter how much your competitive spirit wants to get the best of you. Everyone is in a different place, a different phase, at a different time. This is not school, where activities tend to correspond to ages. This the big real world. You cannot live to be someone else. You must always simply live to be yourself. It takes you long enough to figure out who that is, you might as well stick with it. And most of all, be happy for those around you who are finding happiness. Don't let your fears and anxieties take away from the joy they are feeling. Experience it with them.

ANOTHER ISSUE OF MOSAIC MINDS LIVE!!!! Taking a break for about a week. There doesn't seem to be any point in writing if I don't feel I have something interesting to say. I need to rejuvinate my creative muscles.