I am very afraid of failure. I realize this is stating the obvious. Who isn't afraid of failure?
It's just, I feel that I haven't really failed for a long time. And I don't mean that in a conceited arrogant way. I just mean I feel as though I'm putting myself out there right now more then I have in a really long time.
I am truly pushing my own boundaries and I'm afraid of falling flat on my face.
I just had a little panic flicker that went, "what are you doing?"
Feisty does this great bit about Fear stalking her and how she's always tried to push him into the closet so Confidence can stay for awhile.
I am missing my Lady Luck.
I have always been someone who believes that most of the things that happen to you, happen to you because you worked hard.
But then again, some of the best things that have happened to me is because of Lady Luck.
The most obvious being meeting D - he was never supposed to live in the same residence I did and happened by a weird course of events and we have both pointed out that we were so day and night that if we had only met in journalism classes we probably would have never talked to each other and it was only that in our small residence we were the only two journalism students - Lady Luck to the rescue.
And in meeting him I was given the chance to not only quit a draining job but also travel Europe AND live abroad with someone as wonderful, adventurous and stable as him - Lady Luck pops her head in again.
I got the job at canada.com because Thea thought my cover letter was clever. I had sent a similar cover letter attached to EVERY resume I sent out during that time. Lady Luck picked the right lady to appreciate it.
My partner-in-crime when I worked in communications turned out to be one of the most movitational people I have ever met. From her I learned the importance of good management, good processes and a good laugh. Lady Luck plucked her out of all the other candidates and plunked her down beside by desk.
And when I was at a very low point during our first couple months here in Belfast, Lady Luck dropped 3 beautiful ladies, who embraced me with open arms and included me in a way that I thought was only possible within my own circle back home. Saying goodbye to one of them this weekend - she's headed back to Oz - was much harder then I expected.
Lady Luck can't help me with this one. It's gotta be all me. And maybe that's what's scarier. That I don't really have anything to pin my failure - or my success - on.
At least it's a chance...which is much more then I had a couple of weeks ago.