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Korean Drivers Manual

1 - First and foremost, you are the only car on the road. Please drive this way.

2 - Be sure to keep a tally of the number of pedestrians you hit. 10 points for old ladies, 20 for young children (they can run faster you see). You can also add 5 points for each near miss and pat yourself on the back for trying.

3 - Red lights can tend to get in the way of your driving. Simply proceed through them if you need to. Honk your horn to make sure the cars that actually have the right of way know you'll be sailing through the intersection.

4 - Signalling is recommended but your car does not have blind spots. Just go ahead an change lanes.

5 - It works best if you keep one foot on the gas and one foot on the brakes at all times. This will allow you to continually pump the breaks all the way down the street avoiding 'other cars' while still revving your engine and going at the speed of light during those intervals when you are not slamming on your brakes. (By 'other cars' I mean ones that aren't 'really there' as, we'ver already discussed, you are the only car on the road)

6 - If you're driving a standard car, make sure you rarely change gears. If you must, wait until your engine sounds like the space shuttle and be sure to jerk and grind the gears to their maxiumn capacity.

7 - Lanes don't really exist. Just drive wherever you like on the road. If you find yourself amongst those elusive 'other cars' simply drive around them in any fashion if they are in your way.

8 - When turning right, never look to your left to see if there is another car coming. Simply pull out. Again, see rule 1.

9 - If you encounter the zebra-lined pedestrian crossing, be sure to ignore it. These lines are only to give the pedestrians a false sense of security that you won't hit them so they'll attempt to cross the road. We need them to cross the road. Otherwise, how do we tally up the points to win that karoke machine?

10 - As a general rule, never pay any attention to what's going on around you. Don't look or double check anything. Koreans must do all they can to keep up the reputation Asians have of being the worst drivers in the world.


kimikazi said…
so funny you wrote of my classes was talking about injuries, accidents and scars and 2 of my students told stories of how they were hit by cars and broke their legs!! It doesn't shock me that's for sure. See you tomorrow. Can't wait...
liz said…
good to know someone FINALLY wrote a manual!
Anonymous said…
hey a.

I'm pretty sure you've given rgv trouble in the past for this generalization. No doubt about it though, you see 'em coming and think " GET OUT THE WAY"!

Anonymous said…
hey a.

I'm pretty sure you've given rgv trouble in the past for this generalization. No doubt about it though, you see 'em coming and think " GET OUT THE WAY"!


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