Skip to main content

Korean Drivers Manual

1 - First and foremost, you are the only car on the road. Please drive this way.

2 - Be sure to keep a tally of the number of pedestrians you hit. 10 points for old ladies, 20 for young children (they can run faster you see). You can also add 5 points for each near miss and pat yourself on the back for trying.

3 - Red lights can tend to get in the way of your driving. Simply proceed through them if you need to. Honk your horn to make sure the cars that actually have the right of way know you'll be sailing through the intersection.

4 - Signalling is recommended but your car does not have blind spots. Just go ahead an change lanes.

5 - It works best if you keep one foot on the gas and one foot on the brakes at all times. This will allow you to continually pump the breaks all the way down the street avoiding 'other cars' while still revving your engine and going at the speed of light during those intervals when you are not slamming on your brakes. (By 'other cars' I mean ones that aren't 'really there' as, we'ver already discussed, you are the only car on the road)

6 - If you're driving a standard car, make sure you rarely change gears. If you must, wait until your engine sounds like the space shuttle and be sure to jerk and grind the gears to their maxiumn capacity.

7 - Lanes don't really exist. Just drive wherever you like on the road. If you find yourself amongst those elusive 'other cars' simply drive around them in any fashion if they are in your way.

8 - When turning right, never look to your left to see if there is another car coming. Simply pull out. Again, see rule 1.

9 - If you encounter the zebra-lined pedestrian crossing, be sure to ignore it. These lines are only to give the pedestrians a false sense of security that you won't hit them so they'll attempt to cross the road. We need them to cross the road. Otherwise, how do we tally up the points to win that karoke machine?

10 - As a general rule, never pay any attention to what's going on around you. Don't look or double check anything. Koreans must do all they can to keep up the reputation Asians have of being the worst drivers in the world.

Comments

kim joo mee said…
so funny you wrote that...one of my classes was talking about injuries, accidents and scars and 2 of my students told stories of how they were hit by cars and broke their legs!! It doesn't shock me that's for sure. See you tomorrow. Can't wait...
Elizabeth said…
good to know someone FINALLY wrote a manual!
Anonymous said…
hey a.

I'm pretty sure you've given rgv trouble in the past for this generalization. No doubt about it though, you see 'em coming and think " GET OUT THE WAY"!

ms
Anonymous said…
hey a.

I'm pretty sure you've given rgv trouble in the past for this generalization. No doubt about it though, you see 'em coming and think " GET OUT THE WAY"!

ms

Popular posts from this blog

They Started a Heat Wave

(sing) a tropical heat wave.... (White Christmas fans? anyone? c'mon..) Yes, there is a heat wave, with warm sun and highs of 30 but NOT HERE IN KOREA. Yes, it is warm and humid but there is no sun. Do you want to know where the sun has ended up? BELFAST!! Lucky bastards....I wanted a tan by August gosh darnit - I should have stayed with the Guinness. And, it wouldn't have been a day on this blog without some reference to the weather. The weekend was a nice long relaxing one but super panic hit on Monday night and I was ready to get out of the house. I was freaking out yet again about the garbage (what the hell is wrong with me?) and didn't have a great sleep. There is something to be said for cooping yourself up in your house to watch English speaking DVDs for a day. But I think this only stops you from experiencing the culture. I did venture out on Saturday by bus (whoa, crazy bus drivers) to Pusan where the open markets you can barter and get cheap shirts - thanks to my

Beer Goggles and Nostalgia

We've all had a 'beer goggles' moment, one where something just looked SO DAMN GOOD that you leapt in feet first or lips first, in awe of your chance encounter with some kind of greatness. I ended up clicking on an ad link in Facebook today about teaching in Korea and I was quite impressed by the video for its 'beer goggles' way of presenting Sparkling Korea. Sparkling Korea For most of you who don't know, Sparkling Korea is actually Korea Tourism's slogan for the place. It was quite a funny inside joke of all us teachers about how 'Sparkling' the place could be. The cities had their own slogans, usually with really ridiculous adjectives placed in front of the town's name. Unfortunately none come to mind however when I saw this video, I thought for sure the makers could work for Korea Tourism. A few things they are correct - you CAN save $1000 a month and YOU DO get a bonus when you leave. You can also stress for the duration of your contract abo