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Clarity

I think I'm finally crawling out of this cave I feel like I've been in for the last little while.

It's not that I've been a hermit, although a few blog posts ago you can read all about that, it's just simply more that I'm starting to figure out the 'yeses' and 'nos' of this new world called home.

I've interacted with people - but only those who know me better than myself and actually have known exactly what I needed during this period of transition without ME even knowing it. Now those people deserve MEDALS.

There is so much information to share and I've always been better at sharing it on paper or at least, on the internet.

I suppose that sounds weird.

But the thing is, I only have to write something once. Then everyone knows it. And we can move on to more important conversations like how long have you had your hair cut like that and did you really just find the guy that painted your kitchen in the yellow pages?

It's so easy how that becomes part of conversation, even more interesting than anything I think I might have to say about travelling.

I suppose it's about deflection, moving the attention onto someone else, as I have an extremely bizarre complex where I'm afraid to talk about myself because I think everyone will go away and talk to EACH OTHER about how much I talked about myself BUT ALSO I can't help but talk about myself so I consciously change the subject because I know, by everyone else's standards, I have probably rambled on FAR TOO LONG.

The beauty of a blog is that you can CHOOSE to read or not. I will have no idea if you finished it. You could say you did. I wouldn't have a clue.

And although I can also picture your faces rolling your eyes at certain points, I don't HAVE TO SEE YOU when you do it.

So really, we all win don't we?

Fundamentally, I think, I have always been someone who wants to CONNECT. This, above all, is more important than my exciting story about the Great Wall or the crazy bus driver in Vietnam or even the fun wine tour I did in Margaret River in Western Australia.

So sometimes, talking about your child's current diahorrea or how your dog will JUST..NOT...SIT...is actually much more in my comfort zone than all of the amazing things I've done over the past...well...technically 5 years.

Am I running away from it? I don't think so. I don't mean to be.

I suppose I'm just enjoying EXISTING. Just being, like NORMAL people BE.

And as hard as you try, you won't be able to understand my 36 hour train journey from Irkutsk to Omsk. But does it matter? And, if it makes me feel better to not tell the story to watch you eyes glaze over and wonder when I'm going to be done so we can go back to discussing the American election, isn't that okay?

So, in the eternal words of boys breaking up with girls everywhere, it's not you, it's me.

I've had my day. I've done my thing. I DON'T WANT to ramble on any more. (well, at least not in person - what? you thought I was gonna stop blogging this crap? ya good luck)

I just want to hear how your two-year-old is sleeping at night and is finally getting up the courage to jump into the deep end with her swimming teacher.

Because THAT'S something I can relate to. I mean, even I was a two-year-old once.

And I really do mean that. Seriously.

No jokes. No tongue in cheek. Just full on stream of consciousness as I sit typing.

Amazing what a couple of days tucked away in a cottage can do.

Comments

Erin said…
Was that a shout-out to Corson in the middle of that blog? FYI, he still isn't sitting at the door.

Sounds like life in the north has cleared your mind. Although would you really rather talk about diarrhea than your amazing adventures?!? Really? Wow. You'll have to forgive those of us who live in the land of diarrhea and non-sitting dogs if, every once in awhile, we want to hear about your adventures, if only to whisk us away from our everyday lives for a bit.
haha! no actually I hadn't even thought about it! was just thinking of things that sounded normal and relateable..:)..but now that you say that, I suppose it IS a little like Corson..;)

yes, perhaps this whole theory sounds a bit unkind, or like I'm ungrateful. I'm certainly not and of course happy to speak to people about specific stories I guess it was just the general feeling that I've missed so much of people's every day lives - the best way to get that back is to hear all the nitty gritty stories...

I'm still not sure this makes sense...hopefully, eventually I'll be able articulate it
erin said…
I have had an epiphany: as a non-traveller, I am more interested in hearing about your travellers life, and as a traveller you are more interested in hearing about a non-travellers life! Guess we just have to gab and follow the conversation wherever it goes. It is just so nice to have you home so we can converse face-to-face.

And FYI, nothing about your blog sounded unkind or ungrateful. It just sounds like you are working through understanding what you've been doing in relation to what others have been doing for the last 5 years. We are all so curious about what you've been doing, it seems hard for us to imagine that our lives could even compare.

Cottages are so therapeutic aren't they? something about being out in the wilderness that clears the head. I am so glad to hear you have found some clarity.

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