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Bad Foot Blues

I have been humbled by my recent foot injury. I am shocked and amazed how it seems to be taking it's toll on me.

A few things come to mind:

Of late, I have been an fairly active person. In Belfast, I went to the gym quite regularly. Not only was this good for the muscles but (and here comes the broken recored) it was good for my mental health as well.

Recently I've started exercising again and was feeling so much better, so level. Not irritable, not cranky, not anxious, not weepy. Just plain good.

I have also always been the type of person who does actually appreciate the fact that I CAN walk. That perhaps is sounds a bit more pretentious then I mean it as I can't really reach into everyone's brain and see if they perhaps have the same feelings but what I mean is simply this.

Whenever I would contemplate NOT going to the gym, I would simply motivate myself and say 'Well, at least you CAN run. Think of all those people that can't exercise as easily as you can' and off I would go, feeling better after my hour and a half sweat-o-thon.

And so, when I broke my foot, I tried to be positive and say 'Well, at least I haven't broken my leg.' Or 'At least I haven't broken both feet'.

But my positivity - and patience - is waining.

Imagine you get up every day. You struggle down a massive hill to catch a taxi to work. You struggle throughout the day going up and down the elevator which always seems to take FOREVER before it gets to you. Then, with your hands bruised from the crutches and your armpits even worse, you hobble outside - in the dark - catch a cab home and sit in front of the television, until you eventually get too tired and work up the courage to hobble off to bed.

No shopping. No popping down to get some chips. No last minute meeting of friends for coffee. No, 'oh I think I'll just walk by that store and see if they have that thing I was looking for'.

None of that. Nada.

You're big adventure is your weekly Friday night sessions with the other foriegners, the one night where you can feel like you're not trying to fit in and you can just be yourself. The one night during the week that actually prevents you from screaming at the top of your lungs 'KOREA IS DRIVING ME CRAZY' when you're amongst teachers at your school, because in reality, it's NOT driving you crazy. You would just feel like it was if you didn't have your comfort outlet.

Add into the fact that you haven't exercised and as proven by science THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR YOU and what do you think you have?

Not to mention the culture shock that creeps up on you now that you're vulnerable and aren't keeping busy. Now that all you seem to have is time to sit around and wait until you have to stand up and hobble again.

Or the fact that tomorrow is DECEMBER and all that Christmas shopping you wanted to get done so you could surprise people back home is not actually working out the way you planned. You're too busy sitting. Or sleeping. Or sitting. Or hobbling. Then sitting.

I saw an x-ray of my foot on Tuesday night and DO YOU KNOW HOW SMALL THOSE BREAKS ARE???? They are tiny, people. I wanted to scold my foot for causing so much fuss over the tiniest of breaks.

And how can it possibly hurt SO MUCH?? I can't imagine what will happen if I am ever REALLY HURT. Like action-movie-still-walking-and-shooting-after-multiple-gunshot-wounds hurt. What then?

I have less than 2 weeks today. And I am so lucky to have something like D in my life who gets me everything I need, even when he's had just as long a day as me. And even when I pretend I can do things on my own just because I'm sick of not being able to do anything.

I'm so lucky to have found friends here, that take pity on me, that wait for me to hobble and so helpful. (We had a ladies wine and cheese night and I didn't have to lift a finger. The kindness of strangers really lifts my spirits more than I can describe)

I hate to throw the old negative out there. And yes, I do realise there are many people worse off than me. And I know that this will pass and I won't be so grumpy and tied down to doing 3 or 4 things a day.

It's just the headspace I'm in right now and I thought I'd share.

Thanks for letting me feel sorry for myself. Onward and upward to tomorrow.


Amanda said…
I broke my foot when I was in third grade. I had to wear a big wooden shoe. It sucked.

I am getting over a bad hematoma injury from playing soccer. It made me miss 6 days (more than a week! 12 hours!) of my martial arts class and I went crazy.

So I understand. Good does make one a little crazy to be waylaid in such a way!

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