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A First Time for Everything

I spent the first quarter century of my life in a land with ample amount of ice to slip on. Never once did I break any bone.

Now, on the other side of the world and NO ICE to be found and guess what? I've actually taken a tumble, worthy only of ICE RIDDEN STREETS and broken my foot.

I was taking a quick break from class to stock up on some Vitamin C drinks (which you need I find GREATLY as you are constantly around kids who seem to pick up EVERY SINGLE COLD GOING!!) when suddenly, I lost my footing.

It was one of those really good falls too. One you wished you had videotaped so you could watch later along with the rest of the people who bit their bottom lips, stopping themselves from guffawing.

One of those arms-flailing-legs-balancing trying anything in your power not to go down and praying all thos crunches and plank poses you did will definitely how pay off and save your back.

Being a certified wuss, I don't know if it counts when I say the pain was un-real.

I'm thinking I need to go through childbirth or get shot before I can really assess pain.

Falling down is always a wee bit embarassing, whoever you are.

It's even worse when you're a 'waygook' in small town Korea.

People are already staring and now, there you are, your faced scrunched up in pain, trying to tell to the two people who have stopped to help you that massaging or TOUCHING MY FOOT IN ANYWAY will not actually be helping me.

The old man shop keeper and his customer came running out when they saw me face plant. The old man is such a sweetheart and is always practicing his English with me so I know him well enough. They helped me hobble back to the school elevator where I tried to pretend 'it's okay' and took it back up to the school.

The walk from the elevator to the front school lobby was like the length of the Wall of China but I managed to make it.

Cue sympathy givers: Koreans are known for being so concerned about you when you're sick. Imagine a white chick who can't walk. It's the perfect place for a hyprochondriac!

D ran to the rescue as well, finding no ice but frozen dumplings - which were working just fine. Except the pain wasn't stopping. And my wimp-factor being high, I felt a bit bad kinda saying, 'well, it still hurts'.

I was sure it was a sprain but the teachers insisted I go to see an acupuncturist. Okay. Whatever works.

I had never had needles stuck in me before to help pain but have heard others rage about it so figured this would be the place it would help. After assessing my foot, he asked if I had ever had acupuncture before:

Me: No

Nice-man-doc: oh..heh heh...


NMD: This will hurt small.

As much as my throbbing foot? I doubt it but hey, my threshold for pain is so low, I might as well get stressed about that too!

I took deep breaths on the medical table, and was causing such a scene that the NMD had to tell me to 'be calm'. Oh, yes, famous last words.

But the pain was small, just like he said. And I tried not to think about the fact that I was now becoming a pin cushion. And, one pin went astray. And I let out a yelp. Like a dying dog.

NMD: Yes, sorry.

Yes that's F***IN RIGHT YOU'RE SORRY!! Can someone tell me when this is going to make the pain in my foot go away?

It felt like acid was seeping out of the pores of my foot - although that could have been blood - I was too busy whimpering too look down.

Then I imagined it was the pain in my foot, oozing out. Like some magic trick. Like magic acupuncture. (are there drugs in those needles?)

It did subside and after 20 minutes, we were told that I was finished, my sprained foot would probably be fine soon, to come back 6 more times and oh yes, please be sure to go and get some X-rays just in case it is actually broken.

Off we went again, director, driving receptionist and hob-along A to what we thought would be a waste of time.

We didn't wait very long at all - and the Xray man was certain to use the most up-to-date technology to make sure the Xray rays did not harm, I guess it must be that INVISIBLE protection...

10 minutes later and it was time to take the waygook into see the doctor. And then the Days of our Lives moment came when the doctor said (gasp) 'It's broken'.

My director and driver could not have looked more shocked. We were CERTAIN it was only a sprain.

And suddenly I felt vidicated. I'M NOT A WIMP. IT DID REALLY F***IN HURT!

The Xray showed that there is a small break across my metatarsals or toe bones. 'Very small' the smiley doctor said. And the good news is that it doesn't hurt unless I stand on it.

After he cast it, the friendly doctor let me know he was going to give me a good Christmas present. He would take the cast off.

Yes. Great. A hob along until Christmas.

How am I EVER going to hold my rum and eggnog at Christmas dos with these damn crutches?

If anyone can figure it out, it'll be me.


kimikazi said…
sorry, I really need to get your email. Anyway...I'm planning on stopping by B&G tonight for a quick drink then heading up your way...I have one of your movies and am in the market for a 5lbs weight...tehee. Okay...I'll text ya. Have a great day gimp!

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